How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I remember politely asking Grandpa,late in in his life, about a recent operation, perhaps not realizing it was for a long standing hernia. His response to me was: "How would YOU like to wear a truss?"

I have been waiting patiently for the right conversation to dispense this particular pearl, but no opportunity has presented itself.

I was in Michigan last week with some of my siblings and their families. I am not a huge beach person per se, but I enjoyed the relaxing pace. I marveled that I seemed to be getting a sun tan. I've heard of this kind of thing happening to other people, but I don't recall ever having one. Even when I was a kid spending all day outdoors, I mainly burned. So a tan! I then noticed that my "tan" was not the toast color I had long coveted, but more of a blotchy orange, like carelessly applied self tanner.

Calling upon skills honed from a youth spend poring over "Nancy Drew" and "Encyclopedia Brown" I mentally reviewed Clue No. 1: A note on the washer and dryer in the rented house: "Do not wash whites. They will get rust stains." Clue No. 2: Hideous iron stains in the toilet bowl that, in my fuzzy waking hours fooled me everyday: "Oh my God! What the hell is that??? Do I have kidney disease??? Oh, wait, the toilet bowl always looks like that." The water from the faucets, in addition to having a sulfurous stink, was slowly turning me a shade of Oompa Loompa orange. Thankfully, the pink welts from the bug bites have replaced the iron stains on my arms and legs.

The weather was pretty good the whole time. (No air conditioning, so that goodness it wasn't too hot.) We expect a heat wave next week.

I certainly needed the break after my trip to Cleveland. Things got off to a bumpy start. I somehow stepped on my glasses getting out of the shower at home that morning and they were hideously mangled. I knew I had a couple of old pairs of glasses somewhere, but I was nervous as to their vintage. Were they of the pre Feather Weight era, a time when my glasses were produced under the bottling authority of the Coca-Cola Company? Some national optical franchises brag they can have your glasses ready in about an hour. Not with my prescription, which must be special ordered. Apparently it takes a couple weeks, because all available associates are busy on the company's other big project, polishing the telescope lens at the Mt. Palomar observatory.

Thankfully, after rooting around in my bureau drawers, I found a pair from a couple years ago that wasn't too bad. Since my flight wasn't until two o'clock, I took advantage of the time to clear up some emails and a finish a couple of departments. At 10:30 am, I happened to take another look at my itinerary. I learned my flight ARRIVED at two o'clock. It was to depart at noon. It takes about 45 minutes to an hour to get to the airport from LaGrange. I called the cab company, wondering what excuse I might concoct for being late to the big corporate confab. Miraculously, tho I arrived at airport at noon, I still made the flight. I have never been so happy to get on a plane to Cleveland!